Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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