Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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