The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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