I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
