im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize