I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
