Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
