I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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