He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
