I met the friendliest cop last night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
