I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
40s are totally the cure
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
