party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
