My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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