Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
