i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
