I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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