I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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