I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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