a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
