the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
