then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
