You smell like a Billy Joel song
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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