Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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