So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
