So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
