Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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