I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize