How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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