OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
two words...techno handjob
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
