I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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