haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
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Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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