she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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