that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
