i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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