marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
