I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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