Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
