just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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