she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
