So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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