I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
