I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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