I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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