i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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