I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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