if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
