i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
