I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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