Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize