Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
