She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
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take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize