walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
