the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize