i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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