I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
