is your mom at the bar?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Terrible idea I love it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
