I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize