saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
