Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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