so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
