Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
