i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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