SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
