You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
