why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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