I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
