Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
