There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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