I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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