I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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