Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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