My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
