if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
