so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
