You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
