the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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