I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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