Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
