Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
