Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
