So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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